I Would Try For Peace

Somebody once told me that the only emotion that Satan cannot duplicate is peace. There are synthetics for joy, (such as being drunk), love, (a one-night stand), or safety, (being with friends who may not be good for you, but they are comfortable). Peace - the type that comes from living a good life, being in tune with yourself, and trying to reach for those things that really matter - has no substitute.

Trying to put peace in context of the moments in my life where I felt that emotion, I think of being outdoors. The nights staring into the stars, or a day by a lake. No music, or movies, or cars, or rowdy people. Just beauty and greatness and a chance for my mind to ponder on possibilities.

Mostly I remember my wedding day. When marrying my husband felt so right that nothing but a calm, quiet, reserve to go through with what would be the best decision of my life filled my entire being. Taking my husband's hand that day was the most peace I have ever experienced.

If all of this is so huge and important, I feel that nothing in the world could be more important to give my daughter than to be able to be comfortable and happy in a life full of peace. And I know that there is nowhere else but my own home where she will be able to learn about peace and discover the soothing calm of quiet moments. Schools are never going to teach her to sit still and listen. Surely the friends that my little girl makes someday will be more apt to teach her the latest fashion or pop song than about meditation. And media is about flashy sounds, concepts and images. Books were my last hope for a peace outside of my home; my daughter being able to be lost in someone else’s marvelous ideas all on her own. Apparently these paper dinosaurs are going out of style though, so I cannot hope my baby will stumble on them by herself.

Today I took a little time to think what it is I need to have for my daughter to not just feel peace, but have it be an intimate part of who she is. I want to instill in her this little "Peace Package," that she can draw from out of it tranquility, or a quick breath of air, in a moment when others around her are spiraling in confusion.

My very first inclination was to think, "simplicity."

I am only 26 years old, but sometimes I feel like the 80 year old woman saying, "Kids and their gadgets these days." Personally I have carried a cell phone since I was 18. Before that I had a walkman, and before that a stereo. But growing up as a child I had very little. I am the oldest of five, therefore I was around when my parents were establishing their life and barely making ends meet. My toys required imagination, the few I had. Blocks and model horses only came to life because I made them. Now I see children listening to their own iPods before they can even read. Computers guide them in letters and numbers and worthwhile activities, but they do not allow for wandering off of the path of what was programmed. Most baby toys have to have lights and levers that whistle. But is it any wonder? From the time my daughter was born she has witnessed my husband and I play video games, watched movies with us, had digital cameras flash in her face each and every day. So of course she is going to want her toys and games reflect something in the life that she sees every day.

Is this bad?
I am not sure.

What I do think is that there must be a balance. How cliche, I know. But really. If I can take the time for her and I to just sit and talk. Read a book. Take a walk. For just a few different intervals everyday, do something where we are engaged in a world outside of what we are being told we have to have and see. Then maybe she will learn to enjoy the blocks and model horses. Maybe she will be content one day with laying on a blanket in a field, finding constellations with her father and I, or taking a hike somewhere other than the mall.

I hope.

Soon, in my wishing for a feeling of being content with what we have, I realized my sweet child will never seek for simplistic life-options unless there is gratitude. Most of the time my husband and I have an underlying feeling of doubt when it comes to our financial situation. We definitely are not in running with the Hilton's or Trump's, let's just put it that way. Yet if I really think about our standing, I always come to the realization that things are not just fine, but are really great. Our house, our pets, our lifestyle is comfortable, and full of what we have chosen to spend our "excess" money on. Never do we starve, or have a leak when it rains, or tear a whole in our shirt with the worry of replacing it. Most days I wonder what the heck we are going to do with all the "stuff" we have that never seems to fit in the storage areas of our house.

So often I feel I fall into the "comparison trap." For instance, I have to hear about a family whose husband lost his job after 30+ years at the same company, had their house burn down, and a son get killed in a car wreck, all in the same year, (true story, by the way...how sad can it get?), to remember that my life is not just adequate, but is downright glorious. But I do not want to be that way. Everyday for about the last week I have been filled with this overwhelming thankful spirit for everything I have, and for the freedom I have to be able to do exactly what I want. I can learn Spanish, practice the guitar, attend my church, get a masters, and be a mother and stay-at-home mom, all because I want to. But if I wanted to be an astronaut, learn how to make fat-free donuts and pick up ballet I could. The option is there. Perhaps I do not have a huge house, or more than one car, or even a few things I want, but all in all, I have everything I need to be happy. Which really comes down to a few things: my husband, my daughter, my pets, and freedom to do whatever I want.

That is what I want my sweet girl to learn; she does not always have to have bigger and better, just to "have." But she can appreciate everything we provide, then make her own opportunities wherever she sees a need.

By the time I had the "simplicity" and "gratitude" "steps to peace" down, I realized that the most important, beautiful, fulfilling aspects of my life have always been with my relationships with the people in my life. Once I met my husband he trumped all of those relationships. Then our amazing daughter arrived and added a wonderful element to that bond. When my marriage is in full communication, my husband and I on the same page, I have peace. I figure that rolls into our relationship with our baby. If she feels her parents are in love and on an unstoppable team, she will be able to concentrate on all the other life lessons she's trying to ace. Likewise, if we are effectively reaching out to her, listening to her, sharing in her hopes, dreams, fears and triumphs, then the channels will be open for us to slip our ideas of a simplistic, thankful attitude to her.

When I started this blog I was trying to stick to what I know. Things like: always wear your hair back when you change a diaper, or cut it short like I did. Or: babies will try to defy any parenting book you have read when feeding, sleeping and development are concerned. However, I guess a big part of parenting is hoping that you will do well. And I hope that everyday.

If I can be responsible for an inch of peace along my daughter's life travels, I think that I will feel I did alright, at least in one way.